This blog post examines how the wounds of social exclusion lead to loneliness and anxiety, which in turn drive excessive consumption and conformity-driven spending. We explore this through psychological experiments, case studies, and the mechanisms of youth peer culture.

When people around me reject me, it leaves a wound

There are other emotional factors that fuel excessive consumption. Our reporting team conducted an experiment titled “A Study on Social Exclusion and Perceptions of Money” in collaboration with Professor Kwak Geum-ju’s team from the Department of Psychology at Seoul National University. To examine how deeply social exclusion wounds individuals, we met with 13 elementary school soccer team members. These children attended the same school and had played soccer together for over a year.
The experiment proceeded as follows: “Only 10 can participate in this afternoon’s game. Choose the friend you least want to play with.” The children (pseudonyms) reacted differently to this question.
Jinseong said relatively confidently, “I don’t think I’d be chosen. I think someone else would be chosen.” On the other hand, the more anxious Juyoung said, “I think I’d be left out. I’m not really that popular. I’m not very good at soccer either.” Sungjun also had a similar reaction, thinking other friends would have chosen him a lot.
Regardless, in this experiment, the three children found themselves in a situation where they were excluded by the other children. An hour later, the production team conducted a vote unrelated to the actual results and then told all the students, “Your friends excluded you,” presenting a false result, and asked them to describe their current feelings.
The children’s reactions were as follows.

“I expected it. Who got left out?”

“It’s a little upsetting.”

“I thought, ‘Oh, my friends chose me,’ so I felt like I needed to fix whatever I did wrong. It felt bad.”

“I feel hurt by my friends.”

“I just wanted to go home quickly so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed.”

All the children expressed a common feeling of disappointment, and some said they wanted to go home quickly because they felt embarrassed. They tried hard to act like it was nothing, but their expressions clearly showed disappointment and hurt.
Shortly after, the production team told the children the truth. They explained there had been an error in the voting results and that all of them could participate in the game with their friends. The children’s expressions immediately brightened. Most children reacted with “This is so great!” or “I’m so happy!”, and their faces began to glow with life. They became lively, as if they had received a big gift. When asked how they felt again.

“I’m happy. I can’t even put it into words.”

“I’m totally happy. I was upset, but now I’m happy again.”

“I was a bit surprised, but mostly really happy.”

The children’s emotions were conveyed with great intensity. We all fear situations where we are rejected by those around us. This experiment clearly demonstrates how deeply social rejection can wound an individual’s emotions.

Social rejection stimulates consumption

In relation to this, there is a famous experiment conducted in 2009 titled “The Symbolic Power of Money.” The purpose of this study was to examine the relationship between social stress and perceptions of money.
Researchers had college students engage in a 5-minute discussion, then asked them to write down “Who would you like to be with in the next discussion?” Regardless of the actual outcome, some students were randomly selected and told, “No one wants to be with you.” Next, the students were asked to draw a coin. The results showed that the size of the coins drawn varied significantly from person to person. Professor Kwak Geum-ju explains this as follows.

“Students who were told that no one wanted to be with them in the next discussion drew much larger coins. This can be interpreted as meaning their desire for money increased.”

When socially excluded, people feel a desire to compensate for that sense of lack. Simultaneously, a psychological urge to signal to others, ‘This is who I am,’ also kicks in. When these emotions are expressed through consumption, the likelihood of excessive spending increases significantly.

Peer Group Conformity Consumption

The desire for belonging is particularly strong during adolescence. The ‘peer culture’ formed during this period directly influences consumption behavior.
To examine how peer culture affects consumption, we conducted another experiment with Professor Kwak Geum-ju. The research topic was “Survey on Awareness of Social Gaze,” and the method involved observing how peers’ choices influence individual choices through candy selection.
First, six types of candies were prepared. Children (pseudonyms) were asked to select six candies they liked and write them down on paper. Next, they showed their written list to the friend sitting next to them, allowing them to learn each other’s preferences. Afterward, they were asked to select six candies again. Did the children’s choices actually change?
Let’s look at the cases of Jeong-wan and Ju-young. In the first round, Jeongwan mainly chose square and round candies, while Juyoung selected two each of square, star, and tree candies. However, in the second round, Jeongwan abandoned his own choices and followed Juyoung’s selections exactly. Juyoung also gave up her own choices and followed Jeongwan’s selections exactly.
When asked why, Juyoung said this.

“I wanted to choose something that both I and Jeongwan like.”

The same was true for Jinseo and Seonghyeon. Both children abandoned their own choices and followed their friend’s selection. Let’s hear what the children said.

“Because Seonghyeon said he liked number 3. Seonghyeon said that one doesn’t taste good.” (Jinseo)

“Because Jinseo told me to try it. He said it was good.” (Sunghyun)

Hyojae and Yooncheol also completely abandoned their first choice and followed their friend’s choice exactly. Out of the 7 teams, 3 teams followed their friend’s choice exactly, and Hyunjung also followed his partner Yoonho’s choice exactly. The remaining children also all showed conformity. This clearly demonstrates how much peer group preferences influence children’s choices.
Professor Kwak Geum-ju explains the reason as follows.

“The emotion adolescents feel most intensely is loneliness. Peer groups provide the space to fill this loneliness. By possessing the same items as peers, they gain a sense of belonging.”

This psychology becomes a key motivator that can lead to excessive consumption. Professor Hong Eun-sil from Chonnam National University’s Department of Human Ecology and Welfare comments on this:

“When one or two friends start buying something, others feel they must buy it too. A prime example is a specific brand of padded jacket. Initially worn by only a few students, it has now become so prevalent in middle and high schools that it’s dubbed the ‘second school uniform.’ If you’re the only one not wearing it while everyone else does, you risk being bullied. In extreme cases, incidents like stealing or even robbing to obtain that jacket have occurred.”

This fear of potential rejection and the desire to maintain a sense of belonging strongly drive consumption. As a result, individuals repeatedly buy items they don’t actually need, creating a structure that inevitably leads to overspending.