This blog post calmly examines how emotional deprivation is compensated through spending and shopping, exploring the psychological structure where low self-esteem leads to consumption and the process by which it expands into compulsive spending.

Emotions that fuel consumption

Various emotions drive excessive spending. Anxiety, feelings of isolation, interpersonal tension, credit card use, and sadness have repeatedly acted as triggers for overspending. However, the presence of these emotions doesn’t mean everyone overspends equally. Even when exposed to the same emotional stimuli, some people repeatedly overspend while others do not. This difference stems not merely from the trigger itself but from a more fundamental psychological structure.
Anxiety, sadness, or credit card usage are merely conditions that trigger overspending; they are not the root cause. At the core of overspending lie deeper, more persistent psychological factors. To trace these roots, it is necessary to examine an individual’s developmental process, particularly the psychological structure formed during childhood.
Self-esteem formed in childhood exerts a lasting influence on an individual’s behavioral patterns and choices throughout their entire life. The perception that ‘I am a worthwhile person’ and the psychological resilience to bounce back after failure are largely shaped by experiences during the formative years. This self-esteem is not mere confidence but a fundamental attitude toward how one evaluates their own existence. Professor Kwak Geum-ju of the Department of Psychology at Seoul National University defines self-esteem as a value judgment about one’s own being. Self-esteem refers to a positive self-evaluation that recognizes oneself as a valuable being.
Self-esteem is also deeply involved in perceptions of appearance and satisfaction with interpersonal relationships. People with high self-esteem feel relatively stable satisfaction with their appearance and relationships. Conversely, those with low self-esteem tend to perceive themselves as worthless and rely on external factors to compensate for this deficiency. In such cases, consumption functions as a means to supplement and prove one’s worth.
Clinical psychologist and money coach Olivia Melan explains that low self-esteem lies at the root of excessive spending. Drawing from her own experience, she points out that when love was expressed through material things in childhood, consumption can function as a substitute for affection. The lower one’s self-esteem, the stronger the tendency to fill internal voids through consumption, manifesting as an attempt to inflate one’s outward appearance to offset psychological anxiety.
Paco Underhill, a world-renowned consumer psychologist and CEO of In-Vero Cell, also links adolescent consumption psychology to self-esteem. Adolescence is a period where self-identity is not yet established, leading to increased dependence on external image. It is a stage where individuals harbor the expectation that specific consumption behaviors will transform them into entirely different beings.
This reaction is also similar to biological defense mechanisms. The tendency to excessively display or exaggerate oneself when feeling threatened manifests identically in humans. The lower the self-esteem, the stronger the psychological drive to protect oneself through external adornment.

The Real Self and the Ideal Self

Adolescence is known as the period in the human life cycle when self-esteem is at its lowest. Children during this phase are sensitive to external evaluation and strongly tend to seek confirmation of their self-worth through external factors. The behavior of obsessively fixating on package deliveries can also be understood within this psychological framework. The arrival of an item is not merely a consumption act; it is a symbolic event that temporarily compensates for deficient self-esteem.
Within a person, the real self and the ideal self coexist. The real self is who one is now, while the ideal self is the imagined image of who one wants to become. The gap between these two selves exists for everyone, but the lower one’s self-esteem, the larger this gap is perceived to be. Consumption is used as a means to bridge this gap. When self-esteem is low, the standards of the ideal self rise, amplifying the desire to consume to fill the gap with the real self. However, consumption cannot fundamentally resolve this gap.

The satisfaction derived from shopping is fleeting

When this consumption pattern repeats from adolescence, the likelihood of it developing into addictive spending as an adult increases significantly. Professor Kwak Geum-joo explains that the cycle of repeated consumption to restore diminished self-esteem ultimately solidifies excessive spending. While consumption provides temporary self-esteem recovery, the effect is not lasting and instead demands even greater consumption.
Martin Lindstrom points out that shopping is directly linked to dopamine release. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for reward and pleasure, is released during various stimulating activities, including shopping. Repetitive shopping habitually triggers this neural response, ultimately leading to an addictive structure.
Psychiatrist Kim Byung-hoo identifies emotional deprivation as the primary cause of shopping addiction. Childhood affection deprivation, feelings of alienation in current relationships, and damaged self-esteem are all factors that increase the likelihood of developing shopping addiction.
In the United States, approximately 10 percent of the population is estimated to be addicted to shopping, with a significant proportion being women. Olivia Melan analyzes that American society is deeply addicted to a consumption structure that pursues instant gratification. This consumer culture prioritizes immediate rewards over mature satisfaction and is spreading to other countries.

Addictive consumption is a disease that requires treatment

Repeated overconsumption can transition into addictive consumption. The American Psychiatric Association provides multiple criteria for diagnosing shopping addiction, and even a few of these questions can gauge an individual’s consumption tendencies. Failure to control shopping, feelings of guilt, increased spending, hiding purchases, and financial problems are representative indicators of addiction.
In a real-life case, Ms. Han Ji-hye spent millions of won monthly, gradually increasing her credit card limits. Her spending was unrelated to practical needs; she repeatedly bought identical items and hoarded many unused goods. Though regret followed each purchase, she soon rationalized it away, creating a cycle of repeated spending.
Her background included parental divorce and economic neglect. The experience of lacking sufficient love and support in childhood led to low self-esteem, which solidified into behavior where she attempted to compensate for that deficiency through consumption as an adult. Shopping became a substitute for love and a means of self-comfort for her.
Specialist Kim Byeong-hu views the starting point of addiction treatment as ‘acknowledging powerlessness’. Shopping addiction can extend beyond an individual’s problem to cause the economic and emotional collapse of the entire family, and overcoming it is difficult without outside help.

Material Consumption VS Experiential Consumption

Just as an umbrella keeps you drier on a rainy day, the most effective way to protect yourself from the storm of marketing attacks is to open the umbrella of self-esteem. The belief that greater consumption leads to greater happiness seems intuitively plausible, but it is not necessarily true. Professor Hong Eun-sil of Chonnam National University’s Department of Human Ecology and Welfare, who has long studied the relationship between consumption and happiness, clearly points this out.
According to Professor Hong Eun-sil, people consume to gain satisfaction. No one consumes to become unhappy. Consumption is, at its core, an act of pursuing happiness. However, the crucial issue here is that the fact happiness is derived from consumption does not mean that increasing consumption proportionally increases happiness. The fact that consumption is a means to happiness and the claim that increasing consumption guarantees increased happiness are entirely different matters.
In reality, consumption and happiness are never in a simple proportional relationship. To verify what kind of consumption leads to more lasting happiness, the research team designed a specific experiment.
In a joint study conducted by Professor Kwak Geum-joo’s research team from the Department of Psychology at Seoul National University and EBS, the correlation between consumption and happiness was first investigated among 110 third and fourth-grade elementary school students. Twelve children who scored in the middle range were selected and divided into two groups. Each group consisted of six children, and both groups were given the same consumption resource: 50,000 won per person.
The core of the study was to guide them to spend the same amount in different ways. One group was designed for material consumption, while the other for experiential consumption. Children in Group A, the material consumption group, were allowed to freely choose and purchase items they wanted. Within the 50,000 won limit, they bought items like teddy bears, sketchbooks, soccer balls, books, and toys according to their preferences, without any restrictions.
Meanwhile, the experiential consumption group, Team B, went on a trip to Ganghwa Island. They used the same 50,000 won to engage in various experiences. They caught octopus themselves in the tidal flats and ate fresh grilled shellfish, something hard to find in the city. They also visited local historical sites to learn about history. This group’s consumption focused on accumulating experiences rather than owning objects.
The researchers asked children from both groups about their feelings immediately after spending. Children in the material consumption group also responded that they expected their satisfaction to last a long time, and children in the experiential consumption group showed similar levels of expectation. Based solely on initial reactions, there appeared to be no significant difference between the two groups.
However, the core of this experiment was the changes that emerged over time. The researchers called the same children back three weeks later to measure their happiness and satisfaction levels. Before the experiment, Team A scored 31.5 points and Team B scored 32.33 points on the happiness scale, showing little difference. However, when measured again three weeks later, Team A’s happiness rose slightly to 32 points, while Team B’s happiness increased significantly to 34.83 points. The group that went on the experience trip to Ganghwa Island showed a statistically significant higher level of happiness.
Satisfaction showed the same pattern. The material consumption group’s satisfaction level remained at 27 points, while the experiential consumption group scored higher at 29.83 points. Despite spending the same amount of money, the emotional outcomes over time showed a clear difference based on the type of consumption.
Professor Kwak Geum-ju presents an important conclusion from these experimental results. Consumption invested in experiences that enrich one’s life is remembered much longer than spending money on material goods, and the resulting satisfaction and happiness also last longer. Experiences do not merely provide momentary pleasure; they accumulate within an individual’s memories and identity, functioning as long-term emotional assets.
Ultimately, what people generally desire in life is happiness. Of course, happiness is a highly subjective concept and difficult to measure precisely with numbers. Nevertheless, this experiment provides important clues about how to become happier within a consumer-capitalist society. It clearly shows that happiness depends not on the quantity of consumption, but on the nature and direction of consumption, and on the meaning it leaves in an individual’s life.

Reducing desire increases happiness

Paul Samuelson, an MIT professor who won the Nobel Prize in Economics in 1970, proposed a simple yet profound formula to explain human happiness. He defined happiness as ‘consumption divided by desire,’ viewing the relationship between consumption and desire as the key factor determining human happiness. At first glance, this formula might suggest that greater consumption leads to greater happiness. After all, increased consumption raises the numerator, making happiness appear to rise naturally.
However, this formula does not lead to the simplistic conclusion that infinitely increasing consumption brings happiness. In reality, consumption is fundamentally finite. There are clear limits to the time, money, and energy an individual can devote to consumption. No matter how much income increases, there are physical and psychological limits to the amount of consumption a person can enjoy. Treating consumption expansion as the sole solution to happiness without considering this point is close to a fundamental error.
Desire, unlike consumption, has no end. The more desire is satisfied, the more desire it generates; even the moment one feels satisfied, it creates new wants. When desires become excessively large, no amount of consumption can sustain satisfaction for long. This is because when desires are fully occupied, there is no room left for happiness to dwell.
In this context, Samuelson’s formula allows for an entirely different interpretation. If consumption cannot be increased further, or if increasing it does not increase happiness, then what we must regulate is not consumption, but desire. Even while keeping consumption levels unchanged, simply reducing the size of desire can sufficiently raise the happiness index. When desire diminishes, satisfaction grows even from the same level of consumption, bringing with it a sense of stability and tranquility in life.
Reducing desire actually increases happiness. This is happiness gained not through consumption to fill a void, but through a shift in perception about what one already possesses. Samuelson’s happiness index clearly explains why we haven’t become sufficiently happy despite our continued consumption. The problem wasn’t the quantity of consumption, but the size of our desires.

Happiness in a Consumer Capitalist Society

Living in a capitalist society, we’ve repeatedly heard that ‘consumption is a virtue’. Buying more, consuming more frequently, and owning more expensive items have been regarded as symbols of success and capability. Amidst the constant flood of new products and the relentless, 24/7 marketing temptations, we’ve grown accustomed to placing consumption at the center of our lives. Spending money well was even accepted as a point of pride.
But now, we need to reflect on the emotions hidden behind that consumption. Emotions like loneliness, anxiety, inferiority, and the desire for recognition have often been expressed through consumption. We’ve hidden inner wounds we didn’t want to reveal behind flashy items and repeatedly consumed more to fill the void. While this approach may offer temporary comfort, it is not a fundamental solution.
Experts also offer similar insights on the relationship between consumption and happiness.
Paco Underhill describes capitalism as the intersection of the science of consumption and human frailty, pointing out that consumption is a structure that meticulously exploits human weaknesses. Martin Lindstrom states that if consumers remain unaware of their daily manipulation, they inevitably become highly vulnerable in the face of consumption. Professor Kwak Geum-joo ultimately reduces the problem of overconsumption to an individual issue, yet emphasizes that overcoming it is not easily achieved by personal willpower alone.
She stresses that values and consumption habits formed from childhood are crucial, arguing that education about consumption must accompany emotional growth. Olivia Melan explains that restoring self-esteem is the key element that reduces consumption and fosters deeper self-love.
Psychiatrist Kim Byung-hoo defines happiness not as a distant goal, but as a state found within relationships with others like oneself. The moment one recognizes they are needed by someone else, humans can finally feel stable happiness.
Synthesizing these perspectives, shopping in a capitalist society is structurally akin to a game where defeat is predetermined. Attempts to gain happiness through consumption only fuel the endless expansion of desire, rarely leading to lasting satisfaction. If you seek true happiness, rather than finding answers in consumption, you need to look inward at your emotions and shift your focus toward restoring relationships with those around you.
Only through observing your own emotions and the process of rebuilding self-esteem within relationships can we approach happiness that stems from life itself, not consumption. Only then will desire diminish, and happiness will begin to grow quietly yet distinctly.