In this blog post, I’ll talk about my experience as a “fake gifted student”—which began when I was in middle school—the insights I gained from it, and my resolutions for the future.
It was my first year of middle school. Among my friends, there were some who went to other schools or universities every Saturday to study. They attended math and science gifted education centers, and since I had always liked math and science, I often felt intimidated around them. That was because they held the title of “gifted”—something that seemed so far out of my reach. But as I studied diligently while envying my gifted friends, an opportunity finally came my way. I heard that an education office was opening a new gifted education center and recruiting new students. Perhaps because the program wasn’t well publicized, I was lucky enough to be accepted despite my limited abilities. That’s when the story of the “fake gifted student” began.
In the second semester of my first year of middle school, I entered the gifted education center hosted by that school district and began a full-fledged math and science curriculum alongside the gifted students I had always looked up to. Although I started later than the other gifted students, I was able to engage in advanced and in-depth learning through private tutoring and the gifted education center. In particular, as I developed an interest in physics, I spent my entire winter break during my first year of middle school studying physics every day. Then, in my second year of middle school, I was accepted into Yonsei University’s Physics Gifted Education Institute, where I met gifted students of an entirely different caliber.
Surprisingly, they were already studying General Physics—a college-level course—and most were preparing for the Physics Olympiad. I decided I had to catch up with them, so I found the cram school my fellow gifted students attended, began studying General Physics there, and started preparing for the Physics Olympiad. Although I was far behind and struggled, I persevered with pride in being a gifted student, and eventually caught up with my peers. I graduated from middle school having achieved good results in the Physics Olympiad.
Next, I challenged myself to enter the next stage of gifted education—a science high school—and was admitted to Seoul Science High School. For two years, I received gifted education alongside other gifted students from across the country who specialized in mathematics, physics, chemistry, and biology. The regular curriculum itself was tailored to in-depth study of mathematics and science, and the learning environment was well-established, so I competed fiercely with my peers late into the night every day. As I went through this process, I believed my giftedness was developing step by step, and I accumulated various experiences and achievements, including winning awards at the High School Physics Olympiad, the Research Project Presentation Competition, and participating in “Research & Education” programs.
After completing the two-year program at Seoul Science High School, I graduated early and was given early admission to the Department of Electrical Engineering at Seoul National University, which I had long desired. I believed my giftedness had been a key factor in my selection, and every day of my freshman year was enjoyable. Most of the freshman-level math and science courses covered material I had already studied in high school, so they were relatively easy, and I spent my free time pursuing various hobbies.
However, as soon as I entered my sophomore year and began studying my major, a crisis struck, and I started to doubt my own giftedness. Most of the major courses covered material I was encountering for the first time, and there were almost no areas where I could perform better than others. I thought that if I just worked hard, I’d be fine, and I tried my best, but there were often times when things didn’t go well. Since the major involved a lot of physics-related content, I had expected that the giftedness I had cultivated would shine through, but the reality was different. I began to increasingly doubt my giftedness, and my plan to continue studying electrical engineering after graduating from college also became uncertain.
I tried to comfort myself. I told myself that since there were so many outstanding peers in the Department of Electrical Engineering at Seoul National University and competition was fierce, it might be natural for me to feel like I wasn’t measuring up. But when I realized objectively that my ability was limited to this level, I felt a profound sense of loss. With the question, “Where on earth has the giftedness I took pride in gone?” I looked back on the path I had taken.
It was true that I had held the title of “gifted student” since middle school. I had completed the Office of Education’s Gifted Education Program and the Yonsei University Physics Gifted Education Program, and I had followed the typical path for gifted students—winning awards at the Physics Olympiad and gaining admission to Seoul Science High School. But I kept asking myself: What did I actually learn through this process? Did my giftedness truly develop each time I received gifted education? Was I really gifted? Eventually, I reached a conclusion I didn’t want to face. I was a fake gifted student.
What I had believed to be my giftedness was actually knowledge gained through advanced study. I can admit that my strong comprehension skills allowed me to keep up with the advanced material, but that was the extent of it. Seeing other gifted students pull ahead of their peers, I was always scrambling to keep up with their pace, and every time I managed to match that pace, I mistakenly believed my giftedness had developed. I made no special effort to develop the creativity or intellectual abilities that a truly gifted person should possess. Ultimately, this delusion was exposed during my college years, when there was no more advanced learning. In college major courses, where everyone started on an equal footing and had to compete, I was no better than my peers.
Accepting the fact that I was a “fake” gifted student was heartbreaking. I can still vividly recall how I used to feel recognized and delighted every time I advanced to the next level in the gifted education program during my school years, and I felt a deep sense of regret and sorrow over all of that. I was afraid of what the future held. I sincerely wanted to become an electrical engineer, and I knew that to become a great engineer, I would have to beat countless competitors. But since I was already struggling with my major studies because of my false giftedness, my anxiety grew.
However, I decided to stay optimistic and regain my confidence. Although it was disappointing to realize I wasn’t a gifted student, I reassured myself that being gifted isn’t a prerequisite for becoming an excellent engineer. The realization that I was a “fake” gifted student also served as a wake-up call that brought my once-arrogant self back to reality. Since I wasn’t actually gifted, I resolved to work even harder in various areas, such as studying and developing my creativity.
Reflecting on the various experiences I had while receiving gifted education starting in middle school—which helped me bridge the gap with my peers—I realized I do possess a strong drive to tackle challenges. Although I will continue to face difficulties in my major, I will study in a way that allows me to deeply understand and apply the material, drawing on that drive, without getting too caught up in my grades.
The story of this “fake gifted student”—who had believed himself to be gifted ever since entering the gifted education program in middle school—comes to an end here, as I near the completion of my sophomore year in college. From now on, I will strive to ensure that the story of a truly outstanding engineer can begin.
