In this blog post, I’d like to share a realization I’ve come to during my time in college: there’s no need to go out of your way to get to know a lot of people when it comes to relationships.

My Expectations vs. Reality in College

When you become a college student, everyone worries about relationships. This is because humans are social beings, and that nature becomes even more apparent within a community. I, too, was most worried about relationships when I entered college. Having attended an all-boys high school, I assumed I would quickly become close with others without hesitation, just like in high school, easily reconcile with those I didn’t get along with, and naturally maintain genuine relationships. I expected this to be even more true at a university, which is known for bringing together people from diverse backgrounds and with varied intellectual levels.
However, reality wasn’t that simple. Interpersonal relationships in college weren’t a tangle of threads that could be easily untangled as I had imagined. Through a year of college life, I came to the conclusion that “there’s no need to try to get to know a lot of people.”

Why Many Relationships Can Lead to Loneliness

First, the weight of life and responsibility feels much more real in college. As high school students, we lived within a relatively fixed framework under the guidance of parents or guardians, striving toward the same goals (such as college entrance exams). In that process, it was easy to develop a sense of mutual reliance and resilience, and spending long hours together in the same space laid the foundation for genuine relationships.
In contrast, college students live independently away from home and must plan and take responsibility for practical issues such as pocket money, grades, employment, military service, and certifications. This environment tends to foster a more self-centered mindset, increases the number of personal thoughts and worries, and ultimately intensifies feelings of loneliness.
Second, spatial and temporal characteristics also play a significant role. Unlike high school, college activities—such as lectures, clubs, and events—are scattered, and interactions are often fleeting. Because of the structure that allows for free course selection, it is easy to make casual acquaintances with many people, but such relationships lack depth, making it difficult to rely on them for help when you are actually in trouble. At first, I tried to make friends with everyone, but in most cases, our relationship remained at the level of knowing each other’s faces and names.
Ultimately, while many of these relationships may appear to form a broad network on the surface, they can actually make one feel even more isolated or lonely.

My Experience: Exploring Various Communities

I tried to find answers by experiencing every possible social setting—friends from the same hometown, campus gatherings, department clubs, and university-wide clubs. As I attempted to broaden my circle of acquaintances, it became clear that the number of people I truly clicked with was small.
Wherever I went, I formed deep connections with a small number of people, and it was only in those relationships that I could feel true comfort and warmth. Conversely, shallow connections with many people failed to provide the trust and support I could rely on when tensions arose.

Attitude Toward Relationships: Choice and Leeway

As a result, I decided not to force myself to become close with many people. My thinking is this: “No matter what I do, the people who stay will stay, and those who don’t won’t.” This doesn’t mean giving up on building a network; it means clarifying my priorities.
I also decided not to force myself to cling to people I don’t click with in an attempt to create intimacy. Of course, I can’t assume that such a relationship plays no positive role whatsoever while we’re in the same place. There’s a possibility that someone I don’t get along with now might become an important person later on. Therefore, it’s important to avoid becoming hostile, to let things go lightly, and to leave room for future connections.

Finally: There’s no need to be disappointed, even if you feel lonely and exhausted

It’s okay if current college students feel lonely or like they don’t have many people around them. There are definitely people out there who are a good fit for me, and I can find great happiness in simple, sincere relationships with that small group of people.

The process of maturing through human connections also takes place within such relationships.
In conclusion, there’s no need to go out of your way to get to know a wide variety of people during your college years. You’ll meet many people in the future, and those who are a good fit for you will naturally remain in your life. What matters is cherishing the relationships with the few people who provide you with a sense of security among the countless fleeting connections, and being able to lean on them honestly when needed to grow.